因为你让生命感动

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

for my ah kong.

from the 1st moment i was born, you took an interest in me and thus, my life was made so much more wonderful from the very fact that my ah kong loved me. not just loved, adored, doted, spoiled.

xiu ren, you named me. i loved my chinese name, loved the fact that it bound me to you, to the Chua family, that the girls of my generation all had the same xiu and the guys had duan. everytime someone asked me for my chinese name, i would proudly announce xiuren and the inevitable comment that came after that was 'why does it sound so much like a guy?'. primary school bullies made fun of my chinese name, to the point that i almost changed it but i'm glad i didn't because then i wouldn't be your xiuren, the one that you so lovingly named, right?

and then as i grew up and i had to shuffle back and forth from singapore, i was still as important to you as ever, or maybe even more so because you could only see me 2 weeks at a time. i remember how every time mummy dropped me off in malacca to stay with you and ah ma, it would definitely be the most indulgent 2 weeks of my life. i was the apple of your eyes, the princess of the household and it didn't matter that you had other things to do because girlgirl was back.

'ah kong i want to go to the beach' and we were off, dropping by hiang kou's house to collect buckets, spades, pails and mats and then it was fun at the beach. looking back, it couldn't have been much fun for you sitting at the beach with ah ma for hours on end, just watching me play but the both of you endured, simply because you loved me so much.

McDonalds at Fajar shopping centre at least once a week. i would play at the built-in playground in McDonalds without finishing my mcnuggets and each time you had to suffer eating fast food even though you didn't like it and it was all because your grandaughter wanted to play at that playground. endless rounds of 'memory' on the carpet at home, with me shouting in glee every single time i managed to find 2 matching cards and it was my turn again. snuggling on the sofa with you, listening to you read me my storybooks. going to estee's bookshop to choose the books i wanted and you proudly exclaiming to the aunty that 'girl girl's back (: '. going grocery shopping with whoever and always choosing jagung ice cream because 'ah kong likes this flavour.'

and everytime ah ma asked me, 'ah kong sek di diang?', i would jokingly answer 'korkor' or 'papa' or whichever cousin came to mind and ah ma would indignantly reply 'le!' and of course i knew that, how could i not know that you loved me best when i was the centre of your existence and i was the only one allowed to bring your slippers, a towel and a cup of water whenever you came home from trips.

and then as i turned older, i was based in singapore and our communication consisted of phone calls. 'girl, jiak ba buay?' 'jiak ba liao!' the moment you called, i knew you'd ask whether i had eaten and what i ate, but it brought me such joy to always answer your question because it was our routine. i lived for the holidays and chinese new years, where i could go back and spend time with you again and though you didn't really express your love outwardly as i grew older, i knew that in your heart, i was still as loved as ever. it was a no brainer, ah kong loved me, simple as that.

i came back to kl to do my college and university and i stayed in the same house as you but our conversations dwindled maybe because you didn't really like to talk much by then and i was busy with growing up and making friends and exploring my newfound freedom. it didn't really matter because we still had the same ritual every saturday, you choosing where to go for dinner and then sa chek bringing us there. and each new year, mummy and i would go shopping for a new shirt for you and it was so hard, because you were shrinking each year and shirt sizes didn't come much smaller than S. i remember how the only brand that fit you was 'elba' and you wore size 14. you didn't really go out of the house much and the only way we could express our care and concern was to buy you the food that you liked and watch in pleasure as you ate them. marks and spencer biscuits and chocolates from england, the coffee and chocolate biscuits imported from japan, the serunding from the buka puasa pasar malam, thosai ghee.

we never did talk much except for the usual 'good morning ah kong', 'ah kong jiak', 'good night ah kong' but each time i had good news, i would run downstairs and tell you about it and you would nod your head in approval and say 'good, good.' and it became so ingrained in me that everytime i came home from school or wherever, i would say 'hello ah kong' and you would turn from the sofa where you were reading your numerous papers and say hello back to me.

and then as you grew weaker over the years and we had to get ms lee to come visit you once a week, it still brought me joy every time i bought a 'shen rou bao' back from the market for you, together with your nanyang siang pau, or whenever we had roti canai, to take away thosai ghee and teh tarik for you. and you never wanted to eat anything else, each time you just wanted bao. we always laughed about how your conversations with ms lee never changed because she always asked the same questions and made you do the same thing but it reassured me that even though you were physically weak, you were still mentally alert for how could you not when you knew that 725+89+5 added up to 819 without writing it out vertically or using a calculator.

when i heard that they were shifting you to ah chek's house, my heart lurched a little because i knew the underlying significance behind it. i knew you were weak but some part of me believed that it was going to be alright and i would see you again soon. it was many weeks later that the final call came and now, i can't seem to accept that when i go back in september, i won't see you on the sofa again and i won't be able to say hello ah kong or buy you your favourite shen rou bao, to have lunch with you at 1pm, to have tea with you at 3.30pm and to have your milo with you at 8.30pm.

ah kong, i'm so sorry i didn't call, that i didn't get to see you one last time, that you didn't get to see me in my graduation gown, that i can't even be back for your funeral but i just wanted to let you know that i miss you and i love you very very very much, always have and always will. take care ah kong, till we meet again.

love always,
girl girl.

{♥} wash away the miles between us

at 4:41 pm

Sunday, July 20, 2008

爱情是一种感觉, 陶醉的感觉.
它美丽但往往短暂.

真情是一种付出,
是一份承诺,
是一份包容,
是一份恩义,
是爱情的升华.
它平实却长久.

{♥} wash away the miles between us

at 12:59 am

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

i feel extremely satisfied today. (:

woke up around 11, lazed in bed and read a little. and then suddenly, it was as though there was this great burst of energy from inside of me (haha more like a desire to have clean clothes and tidy shelves) and wheeee, i was off! throwing my dirty laundry into the washing machine, scrubbing my jeans free of the mud from tasmazia (so long ago, ooops =p), tidying up the kitchen, the living room, washing the tableclothes which were so freaking smelly, hanging up my clothes, defrosting the chicken, collecting my dry clothes from the basket and bringing them into the room.

dumped them all on my bed and was tempted to just fold them and stuff them into the shelves but little miss hardworking-all-of-a-sudden stared at her (very) messy cupboard and hearing the voice of someone telling her to 'pack your clothes and decide what you're gonna bring back etc etc', she decided to do a major clean up and after 2-3 hours of hard work, her cupboard is now neat and tidily arranged. pyjamas, winter clothes, long sleeved tops, t-shirts, jeans/skirts/shorts. the boxes of knick-knacks. the earrings all paired up and in their place. man, even the jackets/dresses/scarfs hanging in the cupboard are coordinated. -_- but i like i like. (:

made reservations for the hotel room for the 'rents, soaked the veggies in water, cleared all rubbish from my bags, snooped on fb to see what pictures i could find for the pressie, ahhhh i feel so accomplished today. haha. a rare day of work after let's see, a month of laziness? haha. =p

oh shucks, as i'm writing this, the stupid rain is pouring outside. yes, rain. RAIN. rain. *^%@#$%. now what about my clothes hanging on the hills hoist outside, waiting to be dried?? bahhhh.

off to cook dinner now, toodles! (:

{♥} wash away the miles between us

at 5:34 pm

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

new layout, wheee! being the suaku that i am, i took AGES to figure out how to do the whole thing when it was extremely simple, really. i blame the stupid 'preview' icon on blogger which keeps overlapping everything, causing me unneccessary stress. bahhhh.

exams have long been over and all i can say is thank God that i never ever have to sit for another paper for the rest of my life. (ok, maybe just till the end of this year, but hey, be grateful for what you have ey =p ) i have kept myself extremely busy surfing the net, endless conversations on msn/gtalk, watching movies, sleeping late, waking up late, eating breakfast at 1.30 in the afternoon, hanging out with peeps, having friends over for dinner and err, repeating the cycle on a daily basis. throw in the sleepovers and road trips and you get P.E.R.F.E.C.T (:

some may call it a waste of time but i prefer to think of it as forging bonds between the people i love and care about, not to mention filling up this chapter of my life with precious memories coz come september, i may be leaving this place for good. i suspect that if i do stay back in malaysia/singapore, memories of my time spent here will be needed to sustain me through my days of 'Hobart homesickness'. sighh.

cradle mountain was great. the long drive up, sandwiches and biscuits in the car. tasmazia, scaring xan and yin at cubby town. freezing in the cabin and the events in the bathroom. steamboat dinner. 5.30am snow (: , skidding on the ice up on the way to Cradle Mountain, making Yati carry all our stuff, red label to keep us warm, snowball fights, drizzling rain, water seeping into our gloves and shoes, snowman, hiking for 4 hours, the drive back to Hobart, home sweet home. i wanna go again! :(

oh wells, results out at 9am tmr. I'll be lying if i said i wasn't worried but I'm just going to commit this to my Father above and continue trusting that He WILL see all of us through and come 8th August 2008, we will don our robes and mortar boards and breathe a sigh of relief that our university days are over. Thank you Lord for the love you show to us (:

till then, good night! =)

{♥} wash away the miles between us

at 11:11 pm